hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
