I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
