Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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