I'm jealous of your bromance
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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