I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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