He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
