Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
