rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
