Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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