you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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