We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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