i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
