When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
