Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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