I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
