I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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