idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
