I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
