Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
