Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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