Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
