whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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