I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
