How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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