If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
