if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
