My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
