Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
