my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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