i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
