My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
