and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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