quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
