I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
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