A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
