No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
