It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
