The maid of honor just puked.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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