pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
