I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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