Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
