It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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