the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
