Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Randomize
