I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
