Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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