We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Never let your siblings swipe right.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
