And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
