i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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