She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
